10 Steps: Buddying as a Way to Self-primal

By Harley Ristad

The following ten steps are ways to travel along the path leading towards becoming a more feeling person.

1. It is best if you have a safe place to feel, i.e., a room that isventilated with whisper fan, soundproofed, padded, and lighted with dimmer switch. You will need a pillow, blanket, and tissues.
2. You will need a trustworthy friend (buddy) with an equal interest in primal therapy. He/she is to “be there” for you, as a companion on your journey. He should be sympathetic and accepting of whatever you are feeling or doing, so you are free to be yourself. Your buddy should listen to you talk yourself into feelings. It is best that he give indications of sympathetic attention to what you are saying (active listening, affirmative sounds, head nodding, etc.) but he shouldn't start a conversation. Comments or questions can derail you when you are having feelings. Your buddy should try not to interfere with your free movement, he can protect himself with a pillow (I never really needed a pillow to protect myself from a flailing buddy, but knowing that I could gave me a safe feeling that was imparted by osmosis to my buddy). It is best that neither you nor your buddy act as a teacher, guide, or therapist. Analysis, interpretations, and advice is best to be avoided. Only the buddy primalling should interpret his feelings and the significance of his past life. If the primaller asks a question, the buddy might suggest that he direct his question to a person that he visualizes to be in the room.
3. The road to becoming more feeling takes time. You cannot be yourself if you are worrying about appointments. This is something you are doing for yourself, so put yourself first. Within reason, your sessions should be openended (1 to 3 hours). The ideal time to end your session is when you feel it is over. Momentum can be lost when sessions are spaced too far apart. I recommend daily sessions during the first 3 weeks, followed by sessions twice or three times weekly.
4. There is nothing you have to do. You don't have to perform. Parents and schools change feeling people into performers, so a continued performance is not likely to be helpful. Each person is unique, and will express his or her feelings differently.
5. Between sessions, consider spending the time you are alone thinking about yourself, your life, and your childhood . Looking at old photo albums and reading old dairies might help. Try to avoid the things you do to relieve tension such as smoking, drinking, drugs, snacking, napping, nail biting, gum chewing, masturbation, reading, writing, radio, television, phone calls, looking out the window, etc. Consider watching feeling movies such as Shane, Chariot of the Gods, The
   Graduate, or La Strada. Feeling music may include Meditation from Massenet's Thaïs, Clair de Lune by Debussy, Adagio in G Minor by Albinoni, Canon in D by Pachelbel, Going
   Home from Dvorak’s New World Symphony, Ave Maria by Schubert, Amazing Grace, and Home on the Range. Feeling books include Janov's Primal Scream and Birth Without Violence by Frederick Leboyer.
6. Some people can use fantasy to get to feelings, such as talking to a person as though they were in the room.
7. Feeling your buried childhood pain is the essence of primal t h e r a p y. Present feelings are also
   important, however, and it is best that they be fully felt before time traveling back to earlier pain. As you would peel an onion, start with the present and progress back into the past.
8. Consider the therapy as a long, gradual process. Between sessions try to live a feeling life-style.
   Reduce those activities that tend to close you down. I believe that primal therapy progresses best
   in the absence of all drugs such as alcohol, caffeine, peyote, nicotine, marijuana, amphetamines,
   barbiturates, LSD, etc.
9. “Will you sit for me?” is an expression commonly used when asking your buddy to do a session.
10. You might want to have more than one person for a buddy.