Deliberate Love III

Sometimes I decide I can't keep you
   this deeply in my heart.

It just hurts too much to love you this much,
   and be loved by you this much,
     and be so distant.

I never act on it. It is a game I play,
   finding space for relaxation from need
     in the illusion that I won't have to face the ache
       of wanting you more than you want me
         and more than distance allows,
more than I can have you
   and more than schools and schedules permit.

Sometimes I decide I can't keep you
   this deeply in my heart.

But I do. Deliberately.

This poem appeared in the Summer 1998 IPA Newsletter.